Dating is still weird.
Since the last post a few things have happened.
First – YES! I made it to the Twin Peaks diner with some amazing girlfriends. Another little life rule I live by goes along with “When In Rome”. But in my case it is more “eat things you haven’t tried before if it’s a regular thing there.” This included crickets on a date last year (crunchy) and at the Twin Peaks diner (Twedes café) a friend let me try a peanut butter burger. As I can’t smell, I can say it was enjoyable. I definitely preferred my avocado bacon burger ❤ After the diner we went to see Snoqualmie falls. It was beautiful, as could be expected.
Second – After swearing off OkCupid dates, I received a text from a 4th person I had forgotten about. It was on a Friday where I usually wouldn’t be able to go out, but had arranged for a sitter so that I could visit Rustycon. One of my favorite conventions. Having little hope on it going well, I told him to meet me at the bar there, thinking he’d take off at some point and I’d continue to do my con thing. He even said he had to pick up friends at the airport at a specific time, so I knew I’d be free sooner than later.
Side rant – Apparently this time barrier is a THING. And it pisses me off greatly. One, I don’t like being misled, and two, if we make plans, and we agree to end at a certain time, and I have other plans after, I am expecting to keep those plans. On date number 2 (referenced in last blog) I had explained that I had some free time Saturday but was meeting a girl friend to see a band play by 8. So we agreed drinks only, to get in a face to face, and then he had a party to go to as well. Well, he kept saying his party was delayed, and then said he could make the concert with me. I felt rude, and I hate feeling rude, but I explained to him as nicely as I could that I had just expected to meet my friend and have a girls night as that was what we had planned on before.
This happened at Rustycon with #4 as well. He had a time he had to pick up someone by. We’d have time for a face to face, and I was sold on fun convention things after without the weirdness that is new people. Well, DATING new people. I love meeting new people that don’t expect too much of me personally. So we’re at the bar, and various wonderful friends come up. Everybody loves this guy. He’s not bad looking, he’s tall, he’s funny, he’s smart. Sure, I get that. I keep asking if he needs to go because it’s past that time. He says their flight has been delayed.
Sure, I get that that happens. That makes more sense than a PARTY being delayed, but we had a plan. We had a PLAN dammit and now this is 50% of my recent dates that have gone into time I had planned for something else.
But that’s the rant – that’s the thing. It was explained to me by my translator of manly things and he assured me that their wanting to stay was GOOD because it meant they wanted to. My problem with that was we’re just meeting, and you’ve said you had this thing, and then you’re changing what the plan was. If a date is great, sure, I’d love to meet them again. But I prioritize current friends and current plans. Apparently this deal involves people making pre-excuses to get out by a certain time if it doesn’t go well enough but if they want it to continue they say their plans changed. No, newbie, I’m not cancelling my plans because you made yours up. Open to staying on a date all night? Plan for that. Tell them you have to go if it’s not going well. Don’t fabricate plans and then impede someone else’s. I don’t understand any of that.
Side rant acknowledged – I had been ready to give up dating. My heart wasn’t in it. It was still in the shop from the last accident. This guy came to the con, wow’d everyone. I agreed to go on a second date with him. This is where the devil’s bargaining just goes nuts, and I’m a classic overthinker. I wasn’t sold on this guy, but figured I was convincing myself not to continue for the wrong reasons. So we went out again.
It went ok. It really did. We had a lot in common, it was enjoyable, but after the second date, I just wasn’t interested in continuing. That Tuesday I texted him a nicely put-together “Sorry, I had a good time, but I’m just not ready to date right now.” I left out SO many things I could have referenced as to the previous date. What did I get back? I barrage of insults as well as numerous guilt trips about how he had done blah-blah-blah and…it was kind of scary. I was glad he had no idea where I worked, where I lived, etc. It went from manic to depressing. He insulted my body, my life style, various other things, just because I said that I did not want to go out again.
That was Tuesday.
After I never responded, Friday I got a text asking if I wanted to go out. I didn’t respond to that either.
That was last week. This Friday? Today? Another message asking if I’m free tonight.
What. The. Hell. This is why I like to get to know people gradually. This is why people need to listen to their gut and not override it. And this is why numbers get blocked.
That said – There is happiness to be found. But that’s for me 😉
In case you haven’t figured out my new binge-worthy, croon-worthy show – I’m catching up on Stargate: SG1. Daniel Jackson is DAMNel Jackson. That nerd is totally going to get me through the 9 seasons I have left!!
Serious Side Note: The other week I participated in the Womens March in Seattle. It was spectacular. So much love. So much acceptance. Everyone was looking out for each other and every supported each other. Why didn’t I blog about THAT instead of my stupid rage against online dating? Because others have summarized it better. I don’t see the point in making a blog post that vaguely covers the generics of something but doesn’t really hit anything definitively when others have done such a better job at covering the event. Seattle was just one location – Millions of people, men, women, and children, marched all over the world. There is much to be done, and sometimes you have to do more than share a post. I intend to do more, and more and more as needed.